I crabbed at my kids all day today, Lexie had a tantrum before she even got on the bus and Chloe asked, “Papa, what doing?” as he taped another box together. We are in the thick of transition, and it isn’t always pretty.
This is our fourth move in less than three years. I have a pair of curtains that have gone with us to each of our new homes. They’ve hung in the nursery, our bedroom, the living room and in our next home, they’ll be in the kitchen. Chloe will have lived in four homes before her 3rd birthday! All these realities and boxes can pick at my identity and tempt me to think I deserve a more “stable” home. We’re pushing forty, shouldn’t we own a home by now? What will all this change do to our kids? But then, as God often does, He nudged me tonight as I read to the kids.
There was another group of people that wandered a lot, and didn’t know how long they’d be one place. The cloud would move and this would indicate that God wanted to take them further on their journey. They would pack their tents and move. The Israelites did this for 40 years! Not only this, but they also feasted on manna and quail for about that long. 40 years!! Each stop along the way surely had purpose, and God was clear that He was calling and leading them. I desire to see the cloud move and say, “Thank You, Lord, for this place. Lead me to the next.”
As you may remember, our arrival in Florida was raw. (Read about that here.) I was overwhelmed by the school system, the medical system (we’re on our 4th pediatrician. We nicknamed one male pediatrician as “Dr. Boobs” because he actually used the “B-word” in my presence. For real!) and the heat and humidity. The first two months I cried, complained and criticized a lot. God let me have my tantrum and thrash around a bit as I worked out years of tears. After that, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Theo came. Oh boy. Somewhere in those months I also started to receive from others, even though I couldn’t pay them back. Women showering me at Theo’s baby shower, a meal train and a sweet friend walking Lexie home almost each day so I didn’t have to wake the littles from their naps. My heart softened.
During the afternoons, there was often a dozen or so kids and a few moms congregated outside our garage. The kids climbing trees, chalking the black tar, playing baseball and fighting over the red and yellow Little Tikes car. Us moms chatting and keeping our kids alive. It has been a very sweet and healing community for me to be apart of. I’ll miss our built in 4pm playtime.
The Lord is calling us to all pull up our tents and move (no one can stay in the Wisper Palm apartments forever!). Our 10 month program is drawing to a close and we are all leaving different people. My heart is more tender, my faith stronger and I’m finding my voice again. Thank You, Lord, for this precious gift. Lead me on.
PS We are staying in Orlando and will continue to work with Cru as staff in the program we just participated in. Dave and I are both really excited. And, we’re going to give homeschooling a try.