Have you ever said this when someone has asked if you’ve taken a sabbatical?
Cru offers sabbaticals at regular intervals for its staff with a hope of offering time and space to connect deeper with the Lord and be refreshed, so we can serve out of a sweet connection with God. After 20 years on staff, Cru offers us a three month sabbatical. Some take it and some never do. Many staff with school-aged kids say that they just can’t imagine what it would like as a family– or what would they would do with the kids? How could it be restful or refreshing if we have the kids with us? These are valid questions and each family’s response will vary. But with the right expectations I think it is worth the effort.
We are currently in our third sabbatical and each one we had at least one kiddo. Here are a few reasons we’ve gone ahead and said, “yes!” to sabbatical (with kids).
Here we are in this summer. We took a Spiritual Roots Roadtrip– introducing the kids to people and places that have impacting us spiritually. And, we played in the water a lot!
1) Sabbatical is a gift that Cru offers our staff as a means of stepping away from ministry and focusing on renewing our souls. It didn’t seem like we “needed” a sabbatical this year but a friend wisely said, “That seems like a perfect time to take one.” Once we started planning, it became more evident the need and desire to step into a different rhythm and make more room for God to tend to my heart and relationships.
2) You can’t stockpile your sabbaticals, so if you wait to take one, you’ll just let the gift pass you by. That’s a lot of years of waiting till the kids kids grow up and move out. If it is helpful, think of it as “practice” for when you can take a sabbatical sans enfants (without kids).
3) There are only so many summers that we get with our kids. (We’ve always taken our sabbatical in the summer months.) We started when Lexie was 17 months old… now she’s going to start her freshman year in high school. This could be our last sabbatical with her… which makes me teary-eyed. How did the years go so fast? I’m deeply grateful for the connection, growth, intentionality and memories that have been made during our family sabbaticals.
These were taken on our sabbatical in 2020. We stayed at a friend’s home in Tennessee for a few weeks.
4) Growing up as a missionary kid or having parents in full-time ministry can have a lot of perks but it also comes with some costs. A sabbatical is an opportunity to give our kids a less distracted version of ourselves and build into our family.
5) Sabbatical is a practice to remind ourselves that ministry keeps going without us– God’s got it. It also models to those we are leading that sabbatical is a practice we encourage and support.
6) Pulling back from “doing” and choosing to slow down, allows us to better hear God’s tender love for us and to allow Him to recalibrate our hearts and rhythms. It might even help us to learn how to sabbath. : )
God has met me so richly in the last month of sabbatical, which I thought would be consumed by all the back-to-school preparations. He’s offered me freedom, rich times early in the morning in the book of Luke, beauty with friends and our family and around tables.
There are probably 100 other reasons you could think of to take sabbatical and twice as many as to why not to take a sabbatical. But, what if…
What’s a part of your soul that needs tending to?
What’s something restorative that you’d love to do more of?
What would happen if you slowed down or stepped away from ministry?
Are you fearful of spending that much time with your family?
Cruising Route 66 was a short part of our sabbatical this summer.
It’s one thing to decide to take a sabbatical and it’s another to plan for it!
The following is a bit of a brain dump and notes written while on sabbatical. (Also, please forgive the formatting… I am a bit rusty.) Perhaps there are few things that will help you set up expectations and rhythms to help you (and your family) benefit a bit more from sabbatical.
Suggestions:
1. Simplify to decrease your mental fatigue
2. Setexpectations to help those around you to understand your priorities during sabbatical.
3. Do something different to kick off sabbatical
4. Name what matters
As a couple, figure out how you will redistribute household responsibilities that usually fall on the primary household manager (PHM), ie: usually the wife, so that both of you can truly benefit from sabbatical. The PHM could write a list of their weekly/monthly responsibilities and then sit down as a couple to see who will do what, what can be eliminated during sabbatical and what can be outsourced.
1. Simplify
-are their activities or responsibilities you can pause during sabbatical (volunteering, carpooling, extra kids’ activities)?
-which apps can you delete from your phone or do you want to not consult during sabbatical?
-which text threads can you remove yourself from during sabbatical?
-inform people if you won’t be checking group messages; if appropriate/desired ask they text/call you if needed
-make sure any personal emails that go to your work email are redirected to your personal email so you can cease consulting your work email during sabbatical. (You may need to ask others to change which email they use or change which email is saved on different websites)
-put an away message on your work email
-ask your spouse to change your work email password, so you aren’t tempted to check it.
–systematize
-come up with a schedule of who drops and picks up the kids (school, actives, etc).
-consider a weekly or 14 day meal plan that you repeat each week
-consider having a morning/afternoon/evening as a family or couple when you prep meals for the week or to freeze (kids can prep veggies, measure ingredients, etc)
-decide once
– who cooks which lunches and dinners (I cook MWF, you cook T,Th and Sat. We eat leftovers Sundays)
-who drops off/picks up kids at school which days
-other examples:
-in the mornings I’ll go for a walk
-Tuesdays I’ll try and schedule time with a friend
–try a nightly routine of connection with your spouse that doesn’t involve technology. Take 15 minutes and list out what you could do after the kids are in bed that you’d enjoy doing together. Examples:
-play a game
-have a special evening drink: tisane (herbal tea), sparkling water, etc
-sit poolside
-go swimming
-set a timer and let each person share uninterrupted for 10 or 15 minutes, then switch. (This is a favorite of mine! I am surprised how quickly we both feel heard and connected to the other)
-read a book out loud to each other
-read the Bible in the same space
-practice a hobby together (working out, painting, DIY projects, etc)
2. Set expectations
-help your kids understand what a sabbatical is: your heart behind taking a sabbatical and what you’re trusting God for (help get them cheering for you and maybe even excited)
-share how rhythms will be changing and how it may impact the kids (ie: it may seem like we have all this extra time that we can be more available to drive you places but we are looking to slow down and create more space for restoration)
-their responsibilities (rotate who is kitchen helper, clearing the table, taking trash out, sweeping the floor, prepping veggies, etc)
-kids pack their own lunches/fill water bottles, pack backpacks/get sports bags ready the night before.
-expectations concerning playdates, driving, extra activities, etc. (Protecting your brief 3 month sabbatical from being whittled down or have your “extra time’ filled with fulfilling kids’ desires)
3. Do something different to kick off sabbatical
Get away your first weekend or week of sabbatical to help mark the beginning of sabbatical. A change in pace and getting out of your normal environment helps you realize you are on sabbatical. If a weekend isn’t a possibility, take a day trip or do something that feels like a treat– something you’d never do during a normal work day. Ie: go mountain biking, drive to the beach, visit a new town, play your guitar, take a train, take a class, create, go to an amusement park, eat at a new restaurant, go back to bed after the kids are at school, play songs from your earlier days as a Christian, etc.
-at the beginning of “getting away” (for the day, weekend or week), consecrate your sabbatical to the Lord. Pray out loud or read a liturgy to mark the beginning and thank God for the gift of sabbatical.
4. Name what matters
What can you do to position yourself for connection and refreshment with the Lord? How does God refresh your soul and help you slow? List out what comes to mind. If you need help, think back on how God has met you in the past, was it through: nature, in-depth Bible, prayer, silence, solitude, physical activity, time with a good friend, creating, reading missionary biographies or certain books.
-How can you incorporate these things daily, weekly?
-Have a starting place in the Word. Help decrease your stress by deciding ahead of time where you’ll spend time in the Word. This may evolve as sabbatical progresses but at least you’ll have an initial landing place.
–Have a starting place for _________________. Whatever you’re hoping to do during sabbatical, decide beforehand where you’re going to start. You don’t need a six step plan, unless that’s your jam. : )
-Examples:
-“I want to spend more time with friends.” Starting place: I’ll reach out the week before sabbatical to Tiffany, Carrie and Trisha and try to schedule coffee with each of them the first 2 weeks of sabbatical.
-“I want to be more free from others’ opinion of me/stronger in my identity in Christ.” Starting place: I’ll read Freely and Lightly
-“I want to play piano more.” Starting place: Get out/print sheet music for 3 songs you want to play (old songs you played as an early believer, new worship music, etc)
-“I want to travel.” Starting place: I’ll ask my friend in Paris if there’s a weekend I can visit. Or ask around if someone could watch your kids for a weekend (you could offer to take their kids when you aren’t on sabbatical)
-“I want to do a weekend of silence and solitude.” Starting place: ask friends who have done one before where/how they did it.
-“Dave and I want to be more patient with the kids.” Starting place: identify situations when we get irritated/impatient. “What am I believing in the moment?” Would be a great question to reflect on when we sit down during sabbatical.
-“I want to have weekly date nights with Dave.” OR “I want to do have coffee weekly with a friend.” Starting point: be intentional to look at your budget and see how much you can set aside for babysitting or coffee out. Set up a weekly babysitter. (Decide once!) If trying new places is important for you, come up with a list of date night destinations or coffee shops you want to try.
-I want to learn more from other families on the mission field and how they “make it work” as a family living overseas.” Starting place: make a list of other expat families who you’d enjoy learning from and see if you can visit them/vacation together/talk with them
-I want to take a Bible class. Starting place: research when and where classes are offered
-Seek God and see if there might be a theme for your sabbatical. Spend time in prayer asking Him. Meet with a spiritual director and ask to listen to the Lord together.
-Themes we’ve done are:
– retracing Paul’s 2nd missionary journey (this is when we lived in Europe and were in Greece doing a training at the beginning of our sabbatical.)
-taking an Onken Family Spiritual Roots Tours to share with our kids significant places and meet people who have spiritually impacted us. (We drove up the East coast in the US, over to Minnesota and back to Florida.)
-During the pandemic, we went to Tennessee and stayed in a friend’s home for a few weeks. We spent time in nature, carved out time for each of us to have extended time with God and went a lot slower.
-Hire help and/or accept offers of help. If someone offers to help (ie: let me know if there’s anything I can do to help…), have a short list of things. Ways you could invite others to support you during your sabbatical
-use their home during the day (if they’re at work) to spend time with the Lord
-ask to use their home if they’re going out of town for a silence/solitude retreat
-ask if they’d be willing to help with your kids: driving an extra carpool shift or babysit
-ask them to ask how it’s been meeting your desires for sabbatical, ie: slowing down, saying “no” or saying “yes”, taking space for prayer walks, etc.
-ask to pray together weekly, walk, meet for coffee, etc
-ask them to teach you something you’d like to learn or let you shadow them.
My personal favorites were:
–Getting away with friends who know me. I took a weekend getaway with three friends to the beach. We had loosely communicated our desires for the weekend: gobs of time with God, feasting around the table, listening times (times to listen & times to be listened to), being active and resting. God showed up in such powerful ways. I’m so so thankful.
-I committed to saying “yes” more and going outside my comfort zone more to play and enjoy the moment, instead of sitting on the sidelines after I got everyone set up to have fun. I wanted to be apart of the fun and play! We (um, me) set a goal to get out on the water as family 7 times during sabbatical. This goal helped me be intentional about joining in the fun.
-I made our library cozy so I had a welcoming place to spend extended time with God in the morning. I added a tea tray and candle, and asked Dave to get up with the kids so he could play bouncer. (He did so gladly!)
-I delayed starting some of the kids’ activities until after sabbatical– like tutoring, piano and others as to help simply our schedule.
-I had a go-to three day menu when we were on the road and each meal I would double so we were “cooking” half as much. Chicken curry in the InstantPot (yes, I brought it on our two month roadtrip), deli sandwiches and hamburgers and chicken on the grill (I even bought bags of microwavable rice as to reduce the number of pots we used).
-Dave and I sitting down after the kids were in bed and each having 10 minutes to share our thoughts and feelings from the day. It helped me slow down, and it also prioritized giving Dave uninterrupted time to share what was on his mind. I’m the dominate communicator in our couple, so it helped give both of us the time we needed to process, and I felt so much closer to Dave.
I feel like I could go on… I’d love to talk with you about your hopes and dreams for sabbatical. If you need a listening ear, please reach out. Also, please share your tips for setting up sabbatical as a family!
We moved back to Florida five months ago. I have to look back at my photo reels to remember that it wasn’t just an amazing dream that I didn’t want to wake up from. God was so good to us during our one year stint in Toulouse, France.
Here we are at the Toulouse airport saying good-bye to our friend Laurent who took us to the airport.
This was the second time I called Toulouse home. The first time was from 2003-2008, when I was single and ministering with Cru. Fast forward 20 years (yes, 20 years!) and I got to go back with our whole family. Our three oldest kids were born in Paris but our two youngest don’t call France their birth country. They didn’t share any of our family memories that we made during our six years, as a family, in Paris. And, because we left France in 2017 in a fragile state, some things felt undone. Now don’t get me wrong, we didn’t set out on a “redemption tour” or “family adventure” under the guise of ministry. Rather, we felt graciously invited by God to move our family for a year to fill a gap that the ministry in Toulouse had. We said “yes” and it was redemptive and it was adventuresome at times (at least it felt so for me and Dave). When our year was up, we moved back to Orlando. (The door was open for us to stay longer, but as we prayed and asked God if we could stay for a second year the Lord said, “nope, just one year.”)
Our return to the U.S. was strange… We arrived in Orlando late July (hmm… that sounds familiar… like 2017 familiar). I got Covid a few days after we landed and I ended up with a bad case. I had symptoms for about four days and then had energy to help dear friends pack up and wave them off as they moved north. Then, I found myself in bed for three weeks with deep fatigue. Dave unpacked 85% of the house and I feebly watched All Creatures Great and Small, with a side of the Olympics, while sipping on electrolyte drinks. September came, I started homeschooling the kids and grappled through all the new and change. While in France, our church dissolved, our girls’ ballet studio closed, the ministry team we had been apart of in Orlando for 5 years closed and several of our dear friends moved away. We started a new homeschool co-op, a new ballet studio, visited countless churches and looked for new roles with Cru.
This fall, Dave took Benji to his first day of preschool in a kayak. His preschool is on the other side of our neighborhood and accessible by kayak… so when in Florida… And, yes, they did see an alligator.
The last month has been re-evaluating all the new and where we’ve settled. And now, it’s December: Christmas recitals, company Christmas parties and end-of-the semester celebrations. I have a lot of compassion for people who are starting anew… especially in a city they already (thought) they knew. I have a friend who speaks about a similar season of losses for their family while living in Orlando. She refers to the season that followed as “Orlando 2.0.” We are living the first chapters of our “Orlando 2.0” and I’m thankful for God’s steadfastness in this journey. There are been tearful times at church as I watched the worship slide background cycle through a beautiful mountain scene that reminded me of the mountains we fondly drove through in Europe. Or, when I felt disoriented by the social norms of a new group (do people just not look others in the eyes anymore to say hello??). I cried as I missed my dear friend Tiff and family in Toulouse. They were our Friday night friends… you know the friends you kind of have standing plans with on the weekend if you’re free? What a gift. Seriously, what a gift.
Is it any wonder we decorated early for Christmas? I told Dave I wanted to put the tree up a good 10 day before Thanksgiving. We’ve never done that. “I think I just want to lean into our traditions… things that are known to me.” My heart felt more anchored as we pulled out the Christmas ornaments and told their stories… of great-great grandmas, places we’ve visited, first Christmases, who gave the ornaments or made them and why. (The year of the pompoms: Lexie was 4 and loved playing with fuzzy little pompoms, so I made several ornaments to gift others out of pompoms.) I did help remind me that I, that we, have existed outside this time of transition. We belong to a bigger story.
And here I sit, December 8, 2024, on a teal plastic Adironkdack chair in our Floridian front yard. It’s a chilly 71 degrees. The neighbors’ outdoor Christmas decorations are singing Jingle all the Way. The kids are running around the backyard with neighbor kids playing… something. We’ve had a full weekend with ballet recitals, piano recitals, a cake decorating contest at co-op and a makers’ market for kids at a town next door. We are living our next chapter here in Orlando. I have to remind myself that God is just as faithful and good calling us back to Orlando, as He was when He called us to Toulouse. I love living in France; it’s where I’ve spent over 15 years of my life. Three of our kids were born there. I thrive stumbling upon such beauty and encountering reminders of how long God has been telling His story. And for one bonus year, I got to be back there with all six of my favorite people in the world. Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.
This was our Christmas photo from last year. It was taken in a vintage Airstream camper, turned photo booth. We stumbled upon it at a village Christmas festival an hour outside of Toulouse.
Everyday Paris Mama 